WASSERMAN THERAPY: NEW YORK CITY
Therapy for Men Struggling With Sex, Porn, Love Addiction, and Intimacy Issues
Sex, porn, love addiction, and intimacy issues are rarely just about sex.
Maybe you’re watching more porn than you want to. Maybe you keep chasing people who aren’t really available. Maybe sex has started to feel complicated, pressured, secretive, or disconnected.
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You may not even know what to call it.
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Porn addiction. Sex addiction. Love addiction. Compulsive sexual behavior. Intimacy issues. Sexual shame. Relationship avoidance.
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Whatever language you use, the deeper question is usually the same:
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What is this pattern doing for you — and what is it costing you?
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This Might Be You
You may be struggling with:
- compulsive porn use
- hiding sexual behavior from a partner
- feeling ashamed after watching porn or seeking sexual attention
- repeatedly chasing unavailable people
- confusing intensity with intimacy
- needing constant validation or reassurance
- feeling addicted to the early high of dating or pursuit
- using sex, fantasy, or romantic obsession to cope
- feeling disconnected during real intimacy
- avoiding sex, vulnerability, or emotional closeness
- damaging trust in your relationship through secrecy or betrayal
- feeling like you keep repeating the same pattern, even when you want to stop
You may care deeply about your partner.
You may want a healthier relationship.
You may even know that what you’re doing is hurting you or someone else.
And still, the pattern keeps pulling you back in.
That does not mean you are disgusting.
It means something needs attention.
The Challenges We Address
You may use the words porn addiction, sex addiction, love addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, sexual shame, or intimacy issues. You may not know what to call it at all. I’m less interested in forcing a label and more interested in understanding the pattern: what keeps happening, what it helps you avoid or regulate, and how it’s affecting your relationships and sense of self.
Sex Addiction/ Compulsive Sexual Behavior
This may involve repeated sexual behavior that feels difficult to control, creates secrecy or shame, violates your values, or causes consequences in your relationship, work, self-esteem, or emotional life.
Porn Addiction/ Problematic Porn Use
This may look like watching more porn than you want to, hiding porn use, feeling ashamed afterward, needing more intense content over time, or noticing that porn is affecting your sex life, motivation, relationship, or ability to feel present with a real partner.
Love Addiction/ Romantic Obsession
This can look like chasing unavailable people, confusing intensity with intimacy, needing constant reassurance, becoming consumed by a romantic interest, or feeling unable to tolerate distance, rejection, or being alone.
Intimacy Issues
This may look like wanting closeness but pulling away, avoiding vulnerability, feeling disconnected during sex, struggling to communicate needs, or using fantasy, porn, pursuit, or emotional distance to avoid being fully seen
Why These Patterns Happen
A lot of men were never taught how to deal with loneliness, shame, rejection, insecurity, boredom, or emotional pain in a direct way.
So instead, they learn to cope privately.
Porn becomes relief.
Sex becomes escape.
Fantasy becomes control.
Romantic intensity becomes proof that you matter.
Validation becomes a way to feel wanted.
Secrecy becomes a way to avoid shame.
For a while, these strategies may work. They may give you a rush, a release, a distraction, or a temporary sense of power or connection.
But over time, they can start to create the very thing you were trying to avoid:
More shame.
More distance.
More secrecy.
More disconnection.
More difficulty being fully present with yourself or someone else.
This is where therapy can help.
Not by reducing you to a label.
Not by shaming you into change.
But by helping you understand the emotional and relational pattern underneath the behavior.
Sex, Porn, Love Addiction, and Intimacy Are Often Connected
Some men describe what they are experiencing as sex addiction, porn addiction, or love addiction. Clinically, I think about these patterns more broadly as struggles with intimacy, attachment, shame, emotional regulation, and compulsive ways of seeking relief, control, connection, or validation.
This can look different from person to person.
For one man, it may look like compulsive porn use and secrecy.
For another, it may look like emotional affairs or repeated flirtation.
For another, it may look like chasing unavailable partners or becoming obsessed with someone who gives inconsistent attention.
For another, it may look like avoiding sex altogether because the pressure feels overwhelming.
The behaviors may look different.
But underneath, there is often a similar ache:
I want to feel wanted.
I want relief.
I want connection, but closeness feels risky.
I do not know how to talk about this without feeling ashamed.
Therapy gives you a place to start talking about it honestly.
How These Patterns Affect Relationships
Sex, porn, secrecy, and romantic obsession can create real pain in relationships.
They can lead to:
- less emotional presence
- more shame and hiding
- increased conflict or mistrust
- pressure or anxiety around sex
- difficulty feeling satisfied with real intimacy
- using fantasy to avoid vulnerability
- feeling close in your head but distant in real life
- hurting your partner while also feeling stuck yourself
Sometimes the issue is not that you do not care.
Sometimes the issue is that you care, but you do not know how to stay emotionally present when shame, pressure, desire, fear, or vulnerability show up.
That is workable.
But it requires honesty.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy helps you slow the pattern down.
Instead of only asking, “How do I stop doing this?” we also ask:
- What is happening right before the behavior?
- What feeling are you trying not to feel?
- What does sex, porn, attention, or pursuit give you in the moment?
- What happens afterward?
- How does shame keep the cycle going?
- How are these patterns affecting your relationships?
- What would it look like to build honesty, accountability, and connection instead?
The goal is not to make you feel worse about yourself.
The goal is to help you understand yourself clearly enough that you can make different choices.
Real change usually requires both compassion and accountability.
You need enough compassion to stop hiding from yourself. And enough accountability to stop minimizing the impact.
What Working With Me Is Like:
Barbara Wasserman, LCSW
I am warm, direct, and honest.
I am not here to shame you, judge you, or reduce you to the worst thing you have done. I am also not here to help you avoid responsibility.
Therapy with me is relational and collaborative. We will talk openly about what is happening, what keeps repeating, and what may be going on underneath it.
Sometimes the work is validating.
Sometimes it is uncomfortable.
Often, it is both.
I work best with men who are willing to be honest, take responsibility, and look at the emotional and relational patterns underneath the behavior, not just search for a quick fix on the surface.
This is a place where you can tell the truth without being destroyed by it.
Why I Work With Men on These Issues
I do some of my most meaningful work with men who are trying to understand themselves more deeply, especially around sex, shame, love, intimacy, and relationships.
Many men have never had a space to talk about these things honestly without being judged, dismissed, mocked, or immediately pathologized.
And because of that, they keep it hidden.
But secrecy keeps shame alive.
Therapy gives you a different kind of space, one where you can be honest about what is happening, understand the pattern, and start creating something healthier.
You do not need to have the perfect words before you reach out.
You just need to be willing to start.
Ready to See if We're a Good Fit?
If sex, porn, love addiction, sexual shame, or intimacy issues are affecting your relationship or your sense of self, it may be time to talk about it.
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A consultation is a chance to share what has been going on, ask questions, and see whether working together feels like the right next step.
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Telehealth therapy available for clients located in New York State.
“
The direct, no-nonsense approach was exactly what I needed. I finally found a space where I didn't have to perform and could actually deal with the issues I was facing.
CLIENT, NEW YORK CITY